Sex addiction is a compulsive behavior, an obsession with thinking about, seeking and having sex at the expense of almost everything else in life.

Sex addicts are attempting to confront a loneliness, powerlessness and an empty feeling in their life, but due to the nature of the behavior intimacy is replaced by empty encounters and the loneliness and powerlessness not only persists but deepens. For the addict relief from loneliness and powerlessness is only experienced during sex or the pursuit of it and the power felt during the conquest. 

The basis for the development of this behavior can be traced to being shamed as a child or a feeling of "something is wrong with me" or an environment that made the person feel frustrated and powerless in childhood and adolescence - activities that takes our mind, heart and spirit away from the "bad" feelings; even just temporarily can develop into addictions. There is also an element of self destruction on an unconscious level  and not a small amount of rebellion from the hurt "child" in us.

Over time as we hide ourselves we conceal our real selves and compulsions from others and eventually we lose our own perception of our real, original authentic self.  We are attempting to destroy and cut off from our feelings that part of us we are ashamed of, but as we do this we destroy the whole package, we become less than who we are, thus not our self at all. In the act of self destruction the life is fitted with false emotions, compulsive activity, mood altering substances and a "numbing" stimulation.  The object of compulsive behavior is to shut off the pain of being a "bad" or "flawed” and powerless person.

Tantric work can be focused to  rebuild real love and intimacy. It also works to break down the faulty premise of being shameful and powerless and helps to rebuild natural love and intimacy towards yourself and others. The tantric practitioner learns how powerful their sexual energy is when directed toward love and healing. The problem with obsessive, compulsive sexual behavior is that it is perpetual sex with no intimacy, it is not noticed until many parts of life are negatively impacted that sex and life without intimacy starves the spirit.

To those who block themselves to intimacy because they are shielding themselves from pain of rejection, or feel they are not lovable enough to truly connect with anyone the sense of powerlessness spirals out of control....the key here is that personal power can never be found from an outside source....it is only to be discovered within ones self.  The unlimited power you have to create with another during conscious meaningful sex can only be tapped into when you let down your barriers and feel the sexual unity that is your birthright. The natural connection we all desire is the motivation in our original seeking sexual connection, but the barriers we put up to avoid being hurt and vulnerable lead to a block to healthy relationships and expressions of self.  The intimate joy of sexual union is an elusive goal rarely realized by the sex addict.

A sex addict will pursue the ecstasy of sexual connection, but the connection will not be there.  The addict will try for more and more eventually becoming frustrated that the desired fulfillment and unity with their lover is not found. unfortunately this fuels the original powerlessness, loneliness and sense of having "something wrong" with him or herself. Tantra works to bring the person into the moment and refocus on where the sexual unity and energy occurs.  The individual looks at their partner as a beloved part of themselves.  the ancient wisdom brings the addict back to the knowledge that they are perfect and all learned ideas of fault or imperfection are lies. The basis for addictions in our society - outside forces telling us we are somehow wrong can be challenged with the remembering of our divine nature and the beauty and fun of sexual expression. You don't have to believe the negative voices in your head that tell you to be ashamed or afraid.  Remember your perfection...the voice isn't real. Tantric meditation helps to quiet the voice and the true self can be felt again.

Sex addiction is often based in childhood pain caused by Trauma, abuse or dysfunction.  the individual may become anxious and desire a "quick fix", a need for control and may have a low tolerance for frustration. Anything that will relieve this frustration, even if it is short lived, will be pursued.  The "rush" of sexual pursuit and conquest and the physical sensations are effective at first at bringing a distraction, but not for long. Soon more and more will be needed to bring less relief.

Another basis for the beginning of sexual addiction is societal lessons telling us at a very young age that our natural curiosity and desire to explore sex is taboo.  We are taught to feel shame toward something that is an intrinsic part of our making as human beings.  Shame forms an inner sense that we are somehow "wrong" to desire this exploration.  This shame and guilt contribute in developing a reluctance toward intimacy due to fear of being negatively judged by anyone we show this curiosity to.  As we live a life feeling shame and guilt toward our natural tendencies we may have pain and disappointment build into an intense frustration regarding our sexual selves. As we grow into adulthood we crave intimate relationships in which to heal this sense of shame and separation from our natural sexual nature.  If we realize true intimacy in our life we will feel a sense of unity and oneness that can dissolve our sense of pain and disappointment and confusion regarding our sexual self.

The problem with finding this intimacy is that many people we may meet have also been misguided into believing in early life that sexual curiosity is somehow shameful.  So in many relationships both parties have difficulty sharing their true sexual nature.  When this sexual frustration continues even through a romantic relationship often one or both of the partners may find themselves indulging in sexual outlets where they can explore their curiosities without perceived judgment.  Unfortunately, the outlets for exploration are often impersonal or increase the sense of shame that was meant to be avoided in the first place.  The outlets become addictive in their ease of attainability and lack of judgment from the source, but the price is the sacrifice of true intimacy and the exploration of the self in a relationship.  Another side effect of sexual addiction is it may become impossible to have a real relationship with a real person.

If you are in an addiction and trying to have a romantic relationship as well you are functioning within a love triangle.  The person you are trying to have a relationship with may refuse to be the third wheel to your obsession with sex on the internet, pornography or whatever outlet your sexual addiction takes on. With addiction you are making yourself forget who you are and it leads to more self destructive behavior. The treatment for sex addiction involves several aspects, one of the most important is learning to be ok or even love your self.  Tantra works to lift shame and guilt from your sexual self where you can learn to enjoy intimacy with a real person not just fantasy objects. you can learn to love and crave the deep connection with your lover. This is part of the "magic" that you are.  The sexual self that has been repressed is "magic" and you can be reunited with this part of you.

Sexual abuse in childhood is often a contributor to sex addiction.  An individual who has experienced sexual abuse, whether verbally or physically, often builds up layers of emotional armor to avoid being hurt.  But there is still a need for sexual attention and as with children even bad attention is attention and they will take what they can get.  The obsession with hiding from reality may manifest in preoccupation with seeking and having sex often at the expense of real loved ones aching to connect with you.  Many addicts describe a feeling of being out of control or they cannot help themselves.  They get a high from the pursuit, conquest and the act itself but immediately afterward the empty feeling returns.  The pursuit of sexual power or release is meant to fill the empty feeling of being drained, blocked and dragged down by sexual energy that the individual has never learned to deal with in a natural and healthy way.

The addiction attempts to fill the drained emptiness with an outside source in a vain attempt to infuse "power" to the sex center or chakra.  Tantra brings us in touch with our real sexual "power" and enables us to use the "power" for healing. love and creativity and also a sense of completeness.  We become connected to life and awareness of the love and connection to others in a healthy, nurturing way.  When we integrate our sex center to our whole being we come closer to the spiritual unity our souls crave.

Tantric partners bring healing to each other creating a new understanding of the meaning of "sex, sexuality and partnership" and banish jealousy, possessiveness and other ghosts of the pasts in the face of self assurance brought by sex "magic."  When you're not being whole you are being less then yourself.  Whatever you are doing whether it's having sex or having breakfast or going to work or taking a walk or reading a book, do it as a whole being... as the being you are.